By Aine Belton

Genuine confidence has nothing to do with arrogance. In fact, it is its opposite.

Arrogance is essentially a compensation for feelings of inadequacy, whereas confidence comes from being self-valuing, self-validated, and having faith in yourself and your ability to cope.

Arrogance is not fake confidence per se, which can manifest in a number of ways, but it certainly is one way it rears its head.

Real confidence does not try to prove. It does not seek attention to quench self-doubt, and exudes a natural charisma and magnetism. Essentially, it enables you to shine more of the love, light and joy that you are, and your true, happy, nature.

When you are genuinely confident you are naturally radiant and attractive. People love being around confident people because it rubs off on them and gives them permission to be the same.

Confidence is not necessarily loud. In fact, it is very often quiet, yet it is not afraid to speak its truth or express itself freely when desired or appropriate.

False confidence, however, can be noisy in its attempt to prove and attain outside validation. Proving, however, never yields positive results, as people can often sense the self-doubt that lies beneath it, and even if you do receive the approval you are seeking, you will not feel truly satiated, and a sense of hollowness will return.

Before we look at steps to attaining genuine confidence, I want to touch on a few points.

Firstly, don’t be hard on yourself if you’re more on the false confidence side of things! Everyone can be at certain times and in certain areas of life, or at least likely have been at one time or another. It may be the only way you have known how to compensate for a lack of self-belief, for example, and that’s OK. Don’t pile on any self-judgments. Love and accept yourself for who and where you are right now.

Being inauthentic doesn’t make you bad or wrong. People are usually inauthentic because they believe (falsely) that who they are is not enough in some way.

Bravado is an attempt to compensate for feelings of valuelessness, but, of course, it never works, and even if it does temporarily, a feeling of emptiness will recur, as you can only truly be filled up from the inside.

Self-esteem comes from within. No amount of approval or validation ‘out there’ will ever give it to you. You can though!

Start by being honest with yourself about how you feel about yourself, and accept yourself wherever you are in your life. Being honest and intimate with yourself and acknowledging your feelings is a way to love and honour yourself. It is also a precursor to change, for what you recognize and acknowledge you can do something about.

Negative feelings about yourself can be rooted in negative self- concepts and beliefs that can be largely traced back to childhood experiences and early programming. There are resources available nowadays for working to clear limiting beliefs you can explore (including NLP, EFT, Theta Healing, Psych-K, the Belief Buster Kit, and others).

There are many things that can shape how and who you are – life events, beliefs, personal energies and tendencies, strengths and weakness, choices, etc. What’s important to know, however, is that you can decide who you want to be!

Choice is always available.

You have free will. You are a powerful creator, far more powerful than you may yet be aware. You can transform, grow, evolve, heal and awaken.

Choice is your most powerful resource, more powerful even than your beliefs, for it is through choice that you can change those beliefs.

Self-forgiveness is another powerful catalyst that initiates transformation, releasing more of what you are not so you can unveil and step into more of who you truly are.

It’s always important to be kind and compassionate with yourself. As you accept yourself as you are, you more easily let go of what you’re not. Rather than fixing, you need revealing, for who you TRULY are is AMAZING!

Start believing in you, and when you do, the world will too.

Don’t identify with your shadow self or condemn yourself for perceived flaws or failings. Judgment only compounds that which it judges. You are not your mistakes. Whatever you have experienced in your life is part of your human journey, and every problem can hide a gift.

The only thing wrong with you is ever thinking there’s anything wrong with you!

Own your inherent innocence and worth. You are a spark of love and light. Own your goodness and truth, and be loving and kind to yourself.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe , deserve your love and affection .” ~Buddha

The more you love and value yourself, the more you be able to share that love with others, stand in your power, and experience true confidence.

Start by forgiving yourself for any perceived negative attributes. You are human, you may make mistakes, yet those mistakes do not define you, or certainly never should, for they are not who you are.

Part 2 of Real versus Fake Confidence, explores some of the steps you can take to make that shift to genuine confidence.

With love,

Aine Belton